The Climaxan

In light of the recent news of Brett Farve asking to be released from the Packers. I’ve decided to compile a list of the top 10 reasons why he should stay retired.

#10: For the kids:This kid wore your jersey for 4 years and vowed not to take it off until you retired. If you come back he will have no choice but to turn to a life of drugs and crime to deal with the withdrawal as he reluctantly dons the Favre #4 Baltimore Ravens jersey.

#9: Your Wife: She’s hot Brett. Stay home and tend to her.

#8:Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull:The classic tale of legacy tainting. Heed the warning Brett. Imagine the possibilities, “Hey man, did you see the Bears game last night”, “Yea Bro, Favre totally nuked the fridge with those 8 interceptions”, “I know right, let’s go make bad decisions”.

#7: Exponentially stupid ESPN headlines: Get ready for these: “Chris Mortenson Reports:Brett Favre texts old High School Principal, asks to be enrolled in the 12th grade.” or “Aaron Rodgers: Hey Brett, tell me how my ass tastes.”

#6: The Weird Factor: Seriously, picture yourself in another jersey. It ain’t pretty. Even the real pictures of you in a Falcons jersey seem fake.

#5: Karl Malone: Ask him how dirty he feels now after donning the purple and black after years of service to the Jazz.

#4: Reggie White: Former Packer legend came out of retirement to play for my beloved Panthers. The result? Well let’s just say you’ll have to wait and find that answer out when speak to Reggie in heaven. RIP Reg.

#3: Madden 09: Seriously. Have you not seen the cover.

#2: Your Legacy: You’re a legend. Go out like one. We don’t want to watch one of the best quarterbacks of all time run out of the game like an American Idol reject, arguing with his team that he can still “sing good”.

The number one reason why I think Brett Favre should stay retired is…………..

#1:Two words, Jordan. Wizards.: It still haunts every sports fans dreams. Just let this image sink in and try to sleep tonight. Good luck.

Seriously. WTF.